The One Thing to Consider when Dealing with People
We are all insecure.
“We get frustrated by people. But as we look at them and realize, ‘I’m insecure, they’re insecure, and they are reacting out of their insecurities,’” said Dr. Jeanine Parolini, teaching partner at Bethel University.
Dr. Parolini taught about emotional intelligence at our EQ ministry equip training on May 31, 2018. Parolini highlighted the importance of recognizing that most humans instinctively react out of our insecurities.
people have insecurities inside, and that’s why they do what they do, and they react like they react
“We need to notice that people have insecurities inside, and that’s why they do what they do, and they react like they react.”
Then Dr. Parolini shared the importance of participating in a 3-phase movement of surrender to God, which equips us to respond out of the fullness of God’s presence, rather than reacting out of insecurity.
- I need God.
- I receive God.
- I move toward God.
“We need to ask in each moment ‘How can I surrender to God, receive from Him right now, show this person love, and respond rather than react?’” Parolini says these 3 practical steps can improve our emotional intelligence in the workplace, in relationships, and in marriages.
“Our loving response has compassion, and even though we’re hurting, we give that to God and recognize He’s the one to take care of that in us. But if I work to respond to this person with love, we could change the world,” she said.
Bonnie, a participant, said she was struck by the importance of teaching full surrender to God.
“I am in ministry with many people who are culturally Christian, but they have not experienced inner-transformation by telling God they need Him. They often look like the world around them because that transformation hasn’t occurred. We all need a conversion of heart, an inner personal relationship with Jesus Christ,” said Bonnie.
When interacting with people who are operating out of an insecure place, Parolini believes the best thing anyone can do is to listen first. Often times she says listening is powerful enough.
“When we interact with people that are in an insecure place, many times we don’t really need to say anything. When people get things out into the open, the light shines on it, and God’s light is more important than anything we have to say, until God really leads us to say something. By stepping back, and letting people talk, and being prayerful in that moment, we might be doing a lot more work than if I was say something,” said Parolini.
To improve our Emotional Intelligence, in addition to doing our personal God surrendering work, Parolini encourages us to read resources.
Emotional Intelligence Resources:
Primal Leadership by Daniel Goleman
Resonant Leadership by Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves
The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero
Coaches Guide to Emotional Intelligence by James Bradford Terrell and Marcia Hughes
Transformational Servant Leadership by Jeanine Parolini
The Portable Seminary by David Horton
Chapter titled Effective Christian Ministry Begins with Godly Self-Leadership by Jeanine Parolini